SECRETS TO KEEP!!!

(The following work is completely and solely the asset of the writer. Public use, copying and using any portion of this work without the consent of the writer is a punishable offence and is violation of prevailing laws and rules. If found so, the writer has all the rights to sue or present it to the court of law. Detailed information is posted in his blog www.sucidal-langoor.blogspot.com, or can be viewed in this personal web page through http://www.realtimesucidal.tk)








SECRETS TO KEEP!!!

The morning started with rain. He was in the kitchen looking helplessly at the sky. At first he didn’t knew anything and later when the prickly hot kettle touched his hand he almost soaked himself in tears.

Looking back the last twenty years of his life, he started to feel a glimpse of regret for the things he has wronged and the things he has not felt. The very day of his life started when one day he suddenly broke up in tears in front of his Mom. He was a helpless little child of only early twenties. Eventually, he got a way out, packed his goods, memories and said ‘Mom, forgive me for what I’ve wronged. I guess I can’t stay here any longer. I am feeling like I’m a shameless character to this world. Let me go this day and someday I’ll bring you good days. But first let me heal my brains.’ He never told his mom what he’s wronged. May be that’s because there wasn’t any. Mom stood there in front of him, speechless and in tears and even couldn’t ask him to stay. She didn’t know what’s wrong with her child but knew one thing for sure; her child could do no wrong to people rather than himself. He went. Not even telling anyone about anything that has gone wrong.

This particular morning was pretty much similar to that one. It was raining heavily and still the clouds weren’t cleared and seems like these rains wouldn’t stop for ages into his life. Before the morning, and before any one has woke up, he was in his bed and all of a sudden started packing things. That night he didn’t sleep. Thought of things to do and people and time and all that could possible come into minds till the time when his head nearly started to burst. And then he decided his final voyage into this world alone. He remembered the fact that he was born alone and he must die alone.

He left then, with his mom crying behind him and no one knowing about it maybe. His conduct with his friends was so normal that his friends couldn’t even figure out why he left. His departure was a mystery to all. People inquired about it but have to end up with no conclusion, not even his special ones if he had any. Truth lies to him and truth was buried into millions of layers into his minds.

Then he wandered into the timeless time which he’d have no value at all. He was free from everything but something was hunting his brain and still when he’s in his mid forties, he has those ones.

Then a chapter of his life was closed and he didn’t knew how to start the next one so he left the time to decide the worse for him not the best one coz nothing good ever happen to him except for once when he felt in love to the most beautiful creature on earth for him. But happiness couldn’t wait any longer and he’d to end up with nothing rather than some bitter experiences, intense feelings and severe pain.

‘Bringing down the house was always a decent work for the creator’ he mumbled to the world at once. ‘I don’t see any reason why I have to leave. What for, all these things just for nothing?’

Three months later he called his Mom and said not to worry about him. He’d found some reason to live and said he was happy though his voice seemed to have been disturbed with pain. The night before he didn’t slept and cried silently to the tears.

‘What’s the matter son?’ she asked.

‘Nothing’ he replied. ‘Just missing you a lot’

‘Son, come back to me’ she said.

‘Just a little more time mom, I want to be somebody before I return’ he replied in a faint and fragile voice.

Then, intense silence prevailed in the conversation as nobody could speak any word. Finally he spoke ‘Mom I’m not wrong. I didn’t want to hurt you.’

‘I understand you my son’ she replied. ‘Just don’t take too much time to return. I’m worried if I could ever see you back.’

‘Mom, don’t say so. I’ll be back. I left home thinking about you and only you’ he said though it wasn’t the reason at all but he lied. He just doesn’t want to hurt anybody.

‘Mom how’s everybody? He asked.

‘Doing fine, and how about you? Where are you?

‘I’m fine and well. I’m just wondering here and there. I started studying in a college. I’m good. Mom I got to go, I’ll call you later.’

And before she could say a word he hanged the phone and started to think about all those times when he remained stoned.

Sometimes he’d stand and stare at things and people like he’d not seen such things for ages. It’s strange to see people marching in the roads like they don’t have any time to wait for. He was waiting for the right time to come for him. Sometimes he feels like going home back and all of a sudden thinks of the circumstances when he left home. Sometimes he’d drink too much but he felt sober all the time.



At his college, he was an average student who won’t like spotlight coz spotlight gave harsh feeling to his visions. He’d hardly talk to anyone. It all seemed like he was all alone in the mass of hundreds and thousands of people, students precisely until one day a lady spoke to him while he was in the terrace of his flat. He was never observed by any one throughout the time. She was a lady of late thirties. He was shocked to hear the voice from the terrace in front of him.

‘Hey!’ She called. He looked all around to find anyone else if she was calling for.

‘Hey! You’ she called once more.

‘Me.’ He questioned?

‘Yes you.’

‘May I help you with anything ma’am? He asked in a polite manner. That was probably the first words he spoke to someone for the last three months and precisely to a lady.

‘I want to talk to you. Can you come here? She questioned.

‘Oh! Ah… Yes, I guess, I can….’ He said in a surprised tone.

Now he was astonished to be invited by someone who he barely knew and that too by a lady. He hasn’t talked to a lady literally for a quite long time hence. A million questions came into his minds as the lady surprisingly called him and surprisingly disappeared into the terrace of her flat.

‘What’s the matter? I don’t know this lady. I wonder if I’ve wronged. Besides why would someone possibly call someone who she doesn’t know off?’ A hundreds and thousands of questions prevailed in his minds yet they were very soon to be answered.

With lots of questions and strange feeling into his minds, he moved towards the location where she’d called him. She was standing in front of her door of her apartment and looked furiously at him.

‘What the hell you think you are doing at nights?’ she started shouting at once when she saw him. ‘I beg your pardon ma’am. I wonder if I have done something wrong.’

‘Don’t act so shamelessly’ she said.

He thought what he might have possibly done. Some lady calls him, started to shout at once and the strange part is he don’t know this lady. He thought a hundred times and found not a single clue to any things that he might have wronged.

‘I am really very sorry ma’am but I don’t see anything that I have possibly done to harm you. Could you please tell me what I have wronged’ he questioned.

‘What do you do at nights?’ she asked.

‘Nothing ma’am I just stay awake for my studies. Is that a problem ma’am? He asked.

‘Yes it is.’ she replied.

He was very confused and didn’t know what to say or what to do.

‘Son, she said. Your studies are not a problem at all. The problem is the light. The light that you lit is giving me problems to sleep. You see I am a working woman. When I come back home, I want to sleep but the lights are bothering me much.’ she explained.

‘I am really very sorry ma’am. I’ll keep in mind and won’t give you any chances to complain.’ He said.

‘That’s so kind of you. Thank you.’ she was happy.

Following day, he bought some black curtains and changed all the curtains he has. When he had to study, he’d go to the top of his building and started to study. At first it was hard but later he got a habit of it. The most beautiful thing was whatever he studied goes straight into his minds. He felt so happy. He returned to his apartment at may be 12 o’clock. He’d then have his supper and go to bed. When he woke up, he’d have to rush to college and some little time he had was used as a part time job of maintaining an art gallery. The most satisfactory time he had was when he was working in the art gallery. The artist kept him to work just because he was so very polite and was interested in colors. The best part was the way he’d define colors. He’d define a painting so differently. He’d call the artist Arya sir but his real name was Aryan. Sometimes when Arya used to show him his paintings, he’d stare at those paintings for quite long time and then started to define those ones. Arya would feel shocked to listen to his explanations. His explanations would sometimes make him feel like he was a great artist. He never told Raymond but his explanations were giving him lots of vibes and encouragement to do something good and extraordinary.

(Oh! Yes let me introduce the main character of this story, Raymond the only character within whom this story is totally based upon. Sometimes it’s realistic and sometimes fictions are added to this story.)

Arya was an artist of early forties but he looked much older coz his hair were kind of silver in color. At first Arya would ask to do all the cleaning works, decoration works and dealing with his clients. Raymond would however, do all those works without even asking a word. His works would always be very dramatically perfect. Arya would never compliment on his work coz he thought that this guy was working for the money until one day when Arya asked, ‘Raymond, why do you work for me? I never compliment on your work, I never pay you on time but still you are on this place exactly on time. You never argue for the money. I’d sometimes feel that you are under paid and I feel guilty.’

‘Arya sir, please don’t say such words. I don’t work for money. Besides, the amount you pay for me is enough. I pay my college’s fee with that money. I spend remaining for my household purposes.

Raymond paused for a moment and started again, ‘You see that painting over there, at the corner, besides the stairs, under that dim light?

‘Yeah right there!’

‘Yeah, you see, I don’t know what you were thinking while painting. May be you were thinking something else but…’ he stopped.

‘Explain it Raymond. I want to hear it.’



Raymond started, ‘Forgive me if I am wrong but I feel those faint blue colors blended to black resembles me to a state when people’s life are drowned into shades of sadness that’s for black color and the faint blue color is overpowered by black. That means no matter how sad you are you’ll always miss your happiness at this period. That mahogany beside the lake where stars twinkle gives me a strong feeling of determination as red is a color of success whereas brown is meant to be less dominant. These colors would give me something to take out from this little life. I don’t know if that’s a human symbol you’ve painted but I feel that it’s a human staring at the stars in the lake, which glitter rather than the one in the sky. And that color you added in the middle of the lake, it resembles me to a lotus, still and standing. It tells me to learn to be still, facing all seasons, rain, winter, storm. In the storm I can always see a summer and I can always see spring breeze. Each day I’d stare at this art and think it’s a masterpiece. This painting is crafted into fantasy for me. Now if you place this painting to the brighter side the colors might tell me different stories. Colors, they hold me here sir.’

‘Oh! My god, I never thought it that way. You truly are a genius guy. How do you get that knowledge about colors so intensely?’

‘It just came out of my heart and mind. I listen to them all the time and they will teach you how to define things, situations, as I defined colors. It’s just my feelings and they might not be fit as theories would define as.’

Then Arya, for the first time, complimented him. He said ‘Raymond I’m very happy to have someone working for me talking the best out of me. You are just a master piece and a god gift for me. I thank god for giving me such a beautiful friend.’

‘Thank you very much sir. I am so very grateful to you.’ Raymond thanked.

Sometimes Aryan would call him to his work place just to check weither he was right or not and to his surprise, he’d find him exactly on time. He was so very devoted into his work. Then Arya would feel guilty and to keep him away from guilt, he’d say he just called him if he had time to share dinner together. Raymond would feel uneasy but still couldn’t deny it.

Days after on his weekend, he was busy on his apartment cleaning the mess helplessly at around the evening. He was nearly done with his cleaning when he suddenly heard a knock in his door. He was surprised once again. Strange yet good things were starting to happen into his life. Nobody ever knocked his door since the time he was living in this apartment. Nobody knew if somebody was living in this apartment. People started to call his apartment a ghost house coz the only thing prevailed in this surrounding was total silence. They’d get frightened if they ever heard any noise in this apartment. And all of a sudden someone was knocking at his door. At first he ignored thinking that some kids were messing up around with his door or maybe they are just checking if anyone lives here. But the knock was long and simultaneous. Then he thought for a moment and opened the door. To his surprise he saw a lady, the same one and before he could say a word she was started like before.

‘Where have you been for the last two weeks? And what do those black curtains mean? Or were you not fine? Is it because of what I told you? She buried him with lots of question at once not even letting him answer the single one.

‘No, not at all, Please come in.’ He invited him to his room. She came in. And started to inquire about him but he stopped by asking if she’d prefer tea, coffee or cold drinks.

She said coffee would do fine. He asked her to make her comfortable and make her feel as home. Meanwhile, he was moving towards the kitchen. She didn’t take a seat rather followed him to the kitchen. He didn’t notice her and was busy boiling water in the kettle. She wasn’t speaking any words now and was just busy watching this guy on his clean and tidy kitchen. She compared it to hers and felt that she was much lazier than this guy really was. When the water was hot he mixed the coffee with milk and turned to ask how much sugar she’d like but she was standing right beside him.

‘How much sugar would you like, ma’am? He asked.

‘Two spoon.’ She said helplessly.

Finally the coffee was done. He handed her the cup. Then he asked her to take a seat in the living room. Both of them sat in a sofa and then he started;

‘I was a little tied up for a couple of weeks. You know the college, then to work. I changed these curtains thinking that they won’t let the lights pass through but seems like they were just not necessary. I am alright. Thanks for asking though.’

‘You know I slept that night so patiently. And then each day, before going to bed, I’d look at your apartment and when I see no lights inside your room it started to trouble me. And each day I’d come to your doors and knock for quite a long time but there would be nobody to open the door. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Then I’d think that I made a gentleman ran away for no good reason. I am really very sorry for troubling you.’ She said.

‘Not at all! You don’t have to be sorry at all. It didn’t bother me at all rather it helped me study well and all I studied are up to date inside my minds. I was thinking that I should have to thank you for what you said to me. Thank you very much.’ He replied.

The lady was very shameful and didn’t know what to say. Now I don’t know why but for this very polite gentleman, she’d like to help but she couldn’t figure out any way and this seems like this boy would never give any chance to anyone to apologize. He is always extracting the best possible things even from the weird actions. Now she doesn’t have any words to talk to him. And then suddenly started to ask: ‘you live here all alone here?’

‘Yeah! I am all by myself. And what do you do ma’am?’ he asked before the lady could think about other question.

‘Who? Me? I just live in that apartment. I work in a publication house. You can say that I am a part time reporter for a national daily and a part in the evening I’d sing in a pub with my band The Jazzers.’ She said.

‘Oh, my god, are you Angela Garcia, from the band The Jazzers?’

‘Yes I am. How do you know my name?’

‘Do you remember last year’s Charismas Eve at The Jazz Bar? I was the last one going out of that bar. I truly love your vocals and the guitar you play. It’s simply amazing.’

‘That’s so kind of you. Thank you. Come in to my pub and I’ll play you the new tunes.’ At least for once he gave her a chance to thank him. ‘And you, what do you do?’ she asked.

‘I, I study in a college. I completed my high school and now I’m doing my college level studies. And besides, I work in an art gallery. It’s my part time duty. I spent the most beautiful time of my day there with colors and their vibes. Come in, in the evening any time you like and you’ll find me there with a truly a good artist.’ He said.

‘Do you work on weekends?’ She asked.

‘Yes.’ He replied. ‘I work till six.’

‘I guess you don’t have any friends here, do you? She asked.

‘Ah! In fact I don’t. But that don’t bother me at all. I am well going. And besides I don’t have time to get bothered.’ He replied and started laughing.

‘Ok, this weekend I’ll be visiting your art gallery and then when you are off we’ll go to my pub. That’s an invitation, alright?’ she said.

Now the boy felt that he’s about be in trouble as he don’t want to get any company so he said that he might just have to do some extra hours or maybe he might have to be with Arya sir.

‘No problem. Then we three will go together you, me and your Arya sir. Don’t worry I’ll talk to him.’ She said.

Now there was no any way for him to reject the offer. So he helplessly shakes his head in approval.

‘Alright, I’ll see you then. I just stopped to check in. Take care. I’ll have to rush to the office. I’m getting late. See I have to work on weekends as well till noon. Thanks for the coffee.’ She said.

‘That’s my pleasure. Come in any time you like.’

‘Sure. I’ll go now.’ She rushed.

Some ten minutes later the lady returned and said ‘let’s make that today. I’ll pick you guys today at six. Don’t forget it ok.’ And then she hurriedly moved. He stayed there stoned and with no words. In the meantime, the washing machine started beeping. He took the clothes out and put them under the sun. He was praying for the rain to start today but monsoon has gone far away a couple of months back. He was desperately in need of a help but there was no any sign of any one around to help him.

He is now looking at the watching that’s tickling round the clock hung on the wall. Now he wants to stop the time but that’s only desire. How can anyone ever stop the time? If it was possible then he would have been in the happiest time of his life and everyone would have been in their most beautiful time of their life. No one would have to live in misery, sadness, agony and in pain. Life would have been much simpler. Every one would have been smiling and the world has been a happier place to live in and peace would prevail throughout. May be he was feeling uneasy because Arya knows that he is living all alone and when Angela would come at the gallery, Arya might think that this guy is not for real and lies all the time. An intense feeling of regret came inside his mind and he started to feel suffocated. Gradually he started to feel sick as his head started to ache severely. Now all of a sudden he falls on the floor and lay unconscious. For a couple of hours he was unconscious and later when he woke up, he was feeling week and fragile. Then he called Arya and asked if he could grant him a leave for a day coz he was not feeling well. He had never asked for a leave for the last six months so Arya was worried. Arya granted him a leave and thought he’d visit him in the evening. Then Raymond woke up at around four in the evening. He didn’t know what to do but for some reason he felt relieved from the tension. Later he thought that it was not a big deal but in some reason he found that god helped him for the first time. Now he opened his canvas which he’d not used for quite a long time hence. He was a fair artist and could mix up colors to give the canvas a definite shape and directions. His paintings could drive the viewer into painful scenario and observers would exclaim the bitter experiences of their life. Once when he had his first ever painting exhibition, there were a lot of people who really admired his work. However, Arya didn’t know about this fact because Arya never asked. He didn’t like going personal and Raymond won’t let him know unless he asks. If he would have told Arya about his work, there might be some professional clash between the two. He wouldn’t want to hurt Arya so he thought it is better not to tell Arya about it.

Into his canvas his colors were playing with his brush. Some pink lavished into the pale yellow sun shine and some portion or the canvas were painted dark in color basically black and ash color resembling the fact that no matter how bright the lights are there are always the shadows that tells bitter and dark portion of life. The bitter experiences of life were duly represented by the unseen soulful character. It all seems like the painting would cry to him and shout so loud to tell him the story. Later he poured marine blue color blended to red, yellow and brown color to resemble a sea. He elaborates the colors giving a touch of a never resting ocean under heavy ocean tides. May be those were the symbols of a day to day complex human life. He started to look at his previous artworks that were hidden in a trunk above his cupboard at the store room. He felt so much happy and satisfied for a moment and thought of giving it as a gift to Arya but immediately he gave it a second thought and decided not to do it. He was about to burn this artwork and all of a sudden he herd a knock on his door. He looked at the clock that just stroked seven. He had no idea who it was so for a while he ignored it. The next time the knock was louder and simultaneous. He went towards the door and opened it and was surprised to see Arya and Angela together at his doorstep.

‘Hey how are you now? You look better like never before.” Arya said.

‘Are you all right?’ Angela asked.

‘Yes I’m already starting to feel all better now.’ He said.

‘May we come in?’ Arya asked.

‘Oh! I’m really very sorry. Please come in. Shall I boil you guys some coffee. I’m really starving.’ Raymond said.

‘That would be a great idea.’ Arya said as he entered.

A lot of things were going inside Raymond’s mind as he was not able to hide those paintings. Now he thought that Arya would be very angry with him and all would just start to end. He felt as sad as he moved towards kitchen.

‘Wait a minute! I’ll make some coffee for all of us.’ Angela stopped him and asked Arya and Raymond to have a talk for the meantime.

‘Things are really going towards the worse.’ Raymond thought and helplessly moved towards the living room where the paintings were resting.

‘Look what I see?’ Arya said as his eyes came in contact with the painting. ‘So this kept you busy the whole day, huh?’

‘I’m so sorry but……’

‘No more excuses. Why didn’t you tell me about it earlier? My god you are impossible. These are all just as brilliant as you are. So this kept you in my gallery. I really appreciate you. You are a true artist. Now I know why you came to work in my gallery. ‘They are just as marvelous as a piece of cake.’ Arya exclaimed.

‘Do you like it sir?’ Raymond asked in a suppressed note.

‘You bet I do. You are quite a good artist I must say huh.’ Arya said as he was busy observing all his works. ‘Now how did you keep that a secret from? I could have helped you.’

‘I hate to say but I gave up painting about a year ago. But today something happened to me miraculous as I was unconscious for a couple of hours and as I woke up I felt like down pouring my feelings to the canvas exploring all tragedies. And this is my first work in a year.’ He explained.

‘What’s going on? Angela asked as she entered the living room with the coffee and some snacks.

‘This fine gentleman here is a hidden talent. Just look at his works. I am pretty surprised. I must say we all have common interest art, coffee and music.’ Aryan said.

Raymond was always crazy about coffee, art and music and all those elements were present in that very room at that moment. His stereo was faintly painting ‘Fur Elise’ by Beethoven. The environment was very calm, cozy and peaceful. The coffee were vintage and from West Virginia. Everything was there to give an equal vibe to relish the creation to a masterpiece. They started their coffee and snacks.

‘What is it? What’s the matter Raymond? Angela asked.

‘It’s just this situation. Days ago you and I were strangers; months ago Arya sir and I were strangers. It’s funny. May be we all are bound to met in this life with some reasons I must say.’ Raymond said.

‘Enough of your philosophies just finish your coffee. We need to rush to the pub. My program will be starting shortly. We’ll talk about it later.’ Angela said.

‘I’m already starting to feel family now. It hurts when someone cares and then fades away’ Raymond said.

‘Oh come on! We’ll talk about it after dinner.’ Arya said as they hurriedly moved towards the pub.

‘……..they’ve thought of a long schedule for today’ thought Raymond. ‘Any ways they are well acquainted to each other. It’s good that I don’t need to introduce them. Otherwise I’d have been in another trouble doing so.’

It was always great to hear Angela singing Blues and Jazz. I would think about my home back in the eighties in Northern California, back in my childhood time, when I was just may be 12, when for the first time I noticed these tunes. She was a graceful artist and she sang very well. Then I’d hear crowds cheering up for her. It was always great to hear the crowds cheering up for her. Music was her passion and she could sing and perform like anything in the stage. Now I had told her that one of my favorite number was ‘Leaving on a jet plane’ by John Denver. Then all of a sudden after singing a couple of songs she said ‘this following song is dedicated to my friend Raymond sitting just beside the door’ pointing towards him. He heard people cheering up for him as they stood and clap looking towards me. He felt great for himself and stood to accept their greetings. Now she started singing the song ‘Leaving on a jet plane’ in her own blues feel. He was just thinking about his life, the situations when he left home and the present situation. He almost soaked himself in tears. As soon as the song was finished, he went towards the stage and asked for a microphone.

‘I don’t know how I shall thank Angela, for this song. This is among one of my very favorite songs list and may be this song fits her voice like no one else does. I don’t know if I could ever thank her properly.’ Raymond said.

‘Yes you can. The best time is now and the best day is today. Ladies and gentleman, my friend Raymond will thank me today this very moment by singing us a song he likes.’ Angela declared.

He was about to say that he couldn’t sing but before, the crowds stood and gave them a huge round of applause. ‘Do that for me Raymond.’ Angela whispered into his ears. Alright give me a moment he said. He went towards the musician and had a short talk as the audiences were waiting for him to start. After some ten minutes he was ready to go.

‘I am happy so thank her the way she likes. This following song is dedicated to my very own special friend Angela. And also to mention that this song would be equally dedicated to one of the finest artist in downtown, Arya sir sitting just beside the door. Come and visit Panorama Gallery Downtown and you’ll cherish the most beautiful time of your life with colors. And it’s time for the song titled ‘Bobby and McGhee’ by Roger Miller. There was a loud cheer from the crowd as the music started. Raymond started the song and the crowds were singing with him. He’d this mild but harsh vocal that was pretty much impressive and got a standing applause from the audiences. The moment was much happier and full of colors in his portion of life. He’d never forget this day throughout his life. He felt like he was in a hall if fame with people all around him. Human emotions are rare collections of divine creation of mother nature. They just can’t be measured in words yet they felt, they cant be seen but they are with us all around and even the dumber can feel their presence. No matter what I see it as something above this world yet within this world. May be this is what people call magic.

Now all the high times were gone and all tired, hungry yet relaxed people sit by their table busy at their meals. It looked as if people ate happily having their last supper. Angela, Arya and Raymond were siting in their table looking at their meals. Raymond hesitated to start.

‘What are you waiting for? Start your meal.’ Arya said.

‘Yeah, is there any problem with the food?’ Angela asked.

‘Infact! Yes. You know I should have told you guys about it earlier but I didn’t get any chance. There’s no problem with the food. The meal looks delicious but……’

‘But what? Tell me Raymond.’ Arya asked.

‘I am really very sorry but I am a vegetarian. I don’t take meat or eggs. So it’s kind of trouble for me sir.’ He said.

‘That’s it? Look how this silly and stupid boy is down to formalaties? Angela laughed. ‘No hesitation with friends, now we’ll start bothering you. You know what Arya, this poor chap feels bothered to be with friends and until now he didn’t make any friends. I mean can you just believe it? Raymond you are just impossible. Just prepare yourself to get bothered.’ She was laughing as she spoke every words.

Arya called in a waiter and changed the order.

‘Bring us some vintage wine, some rare collections you have. I don’t want to spoil this precious moment of my life.’ Raymond said to the waiter.

‘It’s on your way sir. But can I bother you all for a moment?’ he asked.

‘No problem at all. What is it that you need sir?’ Raymond asked.

‘Can I have a photograph with you all?’ he said.

‘Sure! That’s not a problem at all. But sorry to say we’ve got no any camera. I wonder if you could manage one? Angela asked.

‘I’ll bring it right away’ he said as he hurriedly moved towards the bar.

‘Things are miracleousely changing around me with a pace. I’m kinda’ afraid with change you know. Change are often destructive. I mean look at this, someone who doesn’t knows me wants to take a photograph with us. Or is it because of Angela. I’m kinda’ confused. I’ll ask that waiter about it.’ Raymond said.

The waiter appeared to them with his camera. He called one of his mates and asked to take a photograph for him. His friend was ready to help. They took a couple of photographs and when he was done he took out a diary and a pen and asked Raymond to sign an autograph for him.

‘Say what? I’m not an artist he is.’ He said pointing towards Arya. ‘I’m not a singer she is’ he said pointing towards Angela. ‘Take their autographs. You must have been mistakened sir.’ Raymond said.

‘I’m really very sorry sir, but I find your vocals the rarest one among all. As you were singing, I got a glimpse of Roger Miller. That’s all.’ He said.

‘Now that’s a kind of a compliment. Take it dear. It’s all your. The moment you are living right now is the most cherishable moment of your life.’ Arya said.

Now all the dinner was done. They were busy talking about their days. And all of a sudden Raymond started;

‘Do you guys know each other?’

‘What? Oh seems like little boy got his senses back. Raymond, we were brought up on the same neighbourhood when we were child. I was only 11, when we met. She was just five. We used to play a lot on her farmhouse. Those were the best times in our life, isn’t it Angela?’ Arya asked.

‘My god! How can I forget those days, those people and those moments. Those memories just keeps me smiling and happy and sometimes when I’m depressed, I just recall those moments.’ Angela said. ‘What’s your story? Mystery boy’ she further asked.

‘Lets go to the beach. I’m dying to drink those bottles of wine with just soft gloosy breeze passing by my face.’ Raymond said at once.

Arya and Angela were shocked to see the change in Raymonds face. They kept quiet for quite a long time staring at his faces. It all seems like they said that they just asked him that they should have never asked. Raymond asked the waiter if he could wrap four bottles of those wine and it was obvious that he got it.

‘Let’s go, you surely don’t want to miss something, do you? Raymond asked.

Both of them were speechless for a while. They paid the bill and were ready to go.

‘Would you mind if I drive?’ Raymond asked Arya.

Arya just gave him the car keys. He looked at Raymond mysteriousely. Angela too, had no clue about it. She sat in the front seat while Arya obviousely sat at the back seat. Raymond just smiled to their face and drove them to the beach. He asked both of them to open their shoes and sandals. They kept their shoes inside the care and started to walk in the beach. Still there were no words coming from any of them.

‘Just a moment, god we forgot the wine. Hold on I’ll bring those.’ Raymond said and hurriedly moved.

As Raymond was gone, Angela and Arya had a talk.

‘I wonder what might be wrong with this boy. This is really starting to worry me. Sometimes I feel like I know this child for a long time and sometimes he is completely new stranger to me. I wonder what might possibly bother this chap’ Arya said to Angela.

‘I don’t know what is wrong with him. Its been jusr a couple of weeks or may be a month and it all seems like, you know, ah……………. I feel like he is my own brother though I don’t have any. We must help him. Deep inside I feel that he is in a huge trouble. Shall we check it out, Arya? She inquired.

‘You know I was thinking the same thing. Let’s do it today or else he might never give us any chance to ask too. He is so tough in holding words.’

‘Sorry guys it took me so long to come back. The door wasn’t just opwning.’ Raymond appeared.

‘Yeah, its kinda’ stucked. I was just thinking to get it repaired but I got no time at all you know.’ Arya said.

‘I’ll fix that for you. Infact I have left your car to the repair shop. You’ll get your car tomorrow at your doorstep. And for today we’ll just celebrate my birthday.’ Raymond said.

‘Your what? Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me? We’d have arranged something fore you. How could you do that to us? Arya said.

‘Jeez Raymond! You are just impossible. You never want to share anything with any one, do you? Angela exclaimed.

‘You guys got all the rights to get angry, but I got my birthday gift already. Angela you sang a song for me. That was much more sweeter than any cakes could have been. And your company today Arya sir, its making me a child once again. What do I deserve a present besides you two guys. I’m starting to feel family again. There was a time when I cried on my 23rd birthday whole night and now is the time I am so very happy coz of you guys. Do I deserve anything worthful besides you guys?’ Raymond asked.

Angela nearly soaked herself in tears and just gave him a hug.

‘See the poor lady is about to cry. That’s why I didn’t tell you guys about my birthday coz it brings tears and nothing much. And to tell you the fact I didn’t have any idea that it was my birthday until I my cellphone remind me that it was my birthday. I didn’t want to tell you but somehow the circumstances couldn’t hold me not telling you.’ Raymond said.

‘Honey these are the tears of joy. These are blessings for you.’ Angela said.

‘Raymond just take what’s in your portion. You have the best anyone can have and you deserve the best anyone could have deserved.’ Arya said.

‘Yeah whatever. Guys lets not spoil the evening. It’s party time. Lets talk something besides this today. Lets be happy.’ Raymond said.

Those incident were just boud to happen at that moment. May be the right time had started for him but he was cautious and he knew that time could go worse to him and any one, anytime. So he tried himself not to get into it intensely but there is something called human emotions that can’t be bound into limitations. And situtiations were going out of his control.

Arya asked at once to Raymond, ‘What is it that’s bothering you Raymond? You seem so very different from other individuals of your age. Sometimes when I look at the guys of your age, I find them very excited towards life and when I look at you, you are a complete stranger to me. You are always a matter of mystery to me. Tell me what is it? May be I can help you.’

‘It’s something that I can’t tell anyone right now and infact I don’t want to talk about it right now. But be assured, I first person I tell about it would be you two guys. Just think Raymond has gone through a lots of tides in his life and at the meantime, he’s trying to heal himself.’ Raymond answered.

Raymond gave Angela a piece of paper and asked them to read it all.

‘This is what’s going down inside my minds. This is the actual Raymond as you see.’ Raymond said handing Angela the paper. Something was written in the paper and it goes out like this;



A JOKER!!!!

I am a mockingbird; I sing a song of a loner
In the field, down the tree,
As the sun sets,
My voice is soaked with tears
I am a joker; people laugh at me
Even if I cry, my mourning is a universal joke
Even if I go down the stage with pain and strain
You laugh at me, with all your funny bones tickling
Even if I die in there, no one comes to me
To fetch me aid or may be some drops of water
But I like it the way it’s upon me.
I deserve it and no one else does
Happy that someone can take a smile out of me
Out of my rage, out of my pain, out of my life
But my pain is hidden into the depth of Himalayas
Down into the depth of the sea, inside the oyster cells
Besides the pearl, my hidden attributes lay exposed
But eyes can’t see my presence throughout
I am all rage against this life.



‘I really can’t believe this. Now there’s a poet inside your humble mind. A real poet as I can see the colors of your life. I guess I’m starting to know you a bit better now. Don’t be so harsh to yourself. You should give yourself some space and don’t let your thoughts get conjusted with all the negativity inside your minds. Give them some room about thinking the positivity that you can take out from your life. I mean life is beautiful all around and when you reach my age, someday you’ll start to like your life and then you’ll take all your past experience as a gift. Life always wont be mean to you like the way you think its all being to you right now.’ Arya said.

‘We should try to nourish our experiences so as to get them towards perfection. It’s how life goes on. Don’t let life define your story. Just try to define a story for your life and don’t just compare your life or even yourself to anyone else. As arya said that you have the best anyone can have and you deserve the best anyone could have deserved.’ Angela added.


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